


The Razor and the Rose

by MorganasCrow



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 11:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4346858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganasCrow/pseuds/MorganasCrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morgana is in love with her best friend. But does she also receive the love she gives?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Razor and the Rose

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [How to Pretend to be Straight for Her](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4146024) by [ClarkeBlake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClarkeBlake/pseuds/ClarkeBlake). 



„I was thinking about you,  
there was something I forgot to say:  
I was crying on Saturday night.“  
\- Michale Graves, The Misfits (Saturday Night)

 

Morgana was sitting in front of the mirror. Her eyes had a black mascara edges already. Now she was adding red to her lips. She just checked the clock with a corner of her eye- 6:35. Got some time left, thought Morgana. She adjusted her lipstick with a kiss-like movement. Okay, now you look as perfect as you can. All for her. I hope she will like me. No, it hurts. You shouldn't allow yourself to think like this.  
Morgana moved to the bathroom. There she grabbed the flacon with a perfume… Wild Violet… you told me you love this once, but I doubt you remember it. I'm affraid you can't even imagine what everything do I know about you.  
Morgana drowned in her memories… that summer we spent together. Morgause was so reckless, even though Morgana knew this would go wrong. It couldn't end up well actually. 'Cause Morgause was straight and in love with Gwaine. Morgana was always there… right by Morgause's side, willing to do anything for her. But if something happened, Morgause ran to Gwaine. There was a lot of masochism in these thoughts. Morgana forced herself to stop, else she bursts in tears. The bell rang.  
Morgana picked up the phone by the door: „I'll be right there, sweetie.“ Morgana checked her eyes. No tearmarks. Okay, let's go. The engine of Plymouth '68 Cuda purred silently. Morgause was sitting behind the steering wheel. She smiled when she spotted Morgana. Morgana acted well- her smile seemed to be genuine and happy… well, Morgana has worn this disguse for long enough. „Hey, babe,“ she heard when she opened the door. Morgana smiled and they talked joyfully, recklessly. Morgause didn't recognize Morgana hates herself right now.  
When they arrived to the theatre, Morgause hugged Morgana's shoulder gladly: „Thank you for coming. I would call you earlier, but Gwaine twisted his ankle today and he couldn't go. You saved me.“ Morgana was really careful not to show any of the emotions tearing her innards apart: „Anytime, darling.“ Morgause smiled and Morgana's heart raced. Calm down, she thought. Morgana forced herself to smile as well. Hide behind the conjuring smile.  
In the theatre they sat in the box. Morgana didn't know what was happening on the scene. She just held her breath and tried not to burst into tears. Morgause was the avid spectatress. The only thing Morgana saw was the shape and every detail of Morgause's face. Oh, no… I can't take this. Morgana apologized and left the box. She headed towards the restrooms, but then she realized she cannot stay here anymore. She wanted to leave her sorrow behind, but she couldn't do so if Morgause was close.  
Morgana had to get out. She didn't take her coat from the cloakroom. She just ran – literally ran out of the theatre. Sorry, Morgause, she thought, but I cannot. She bought a pack of cigars and a lighter. Morgana quitted smoking three years ago, but she needed it now. I gotta get away from here.  
Morgause went anxious… how long is Morgana gone? I should check her probably.  
Morgana was strawling the empty streets. It was Saturday night- everyone was out with those whom they loved. Morgana's eyes reflected with tears. She needed a drink. Where could she get a drink on Saturday Night? Yeah- Vietnamese. They are hard-working, they have open even on holidays… even at Xmas. Fuck Xmas.  
Morgause ran out of the bathrooms towards the cloakroom. „Hi, could I ask you something? The tall lady… long black hair, green eyes, indigo dress… wasn't she here?“ „Sure, she forgot her coat. She left like… 20 minutes ago?“ „Thanks,“ replied Morgause, running out of the theatre.  
Morgana walked towards the cliffs, one hand holding a brown bag with a bottle of gin in, other one just igniting her cigar. Morgana drank a bit and started to think things over. If I stay here, everything will remind me Morgause… I have to leave. I must leave this all behind. That's it: I'm moving tomorrow.  
Morgause got into the car and drove… Morgana had few favourite places… she could be at one of these. If I find her, we can work it out, whatever happened.  
Morgana reached the cliffs on the western edge of the city. She was standing there on the bare rock, letting the wild wind blow around her, play with her hair and blow her tears away. Morgana finished her drink, dropping the bottle off the cliff. She stood there on the edge, considering her options. I can stay here and suffer every single day… or I can just finish it… End everything… right now!  
Every second Morgause got more scared… Morgana's favourite places were all empty… the park, the edge of the forest, the river side… the river side? Morgana used to speak about one place… one more. No! Please, wherever she is, tell me she's not there!  
Morgana took her sabots off and sent them down towards the raging seas. She stood on the edge, the cold grass caressing her feet, tears washing her face. Morgana took the bracet she got from her dad for Xmas… 'twas before she started hating Xmas. Morgana dropped it to the waves. Morgause's face appeared in front of her eyes. Not anymore, thought Morgana. When we see each other again, you'll be wrapped in frost, lacing your face. I'm already dead to you. It's okay, I understand you could never love me. It's okay. It's my fault. Morgana threw away her earrings. Now she retained only one jewel… that locket she got from Morgause… with a wild rose petal within. This one I will keep.  
Morgana heard squeeling of the brakes. She looked back. Morgause was hurrying towards her, sweat covering her face, her hair blowing in the wind. „Morgana!“ „I'm here,“ she whispered. Morgause ran towards her, but when she saw how close to the edge Morgana is, she stopped. „Morgana? Come here, please.“ „Leave me alone!“, replied Morgana angrily.  
Morgana's feet were dancing on the edge of the cliff. Morgause held her breath. But Morgana didn't intend to fall… yet. „Morgana. Please, come to me. Whatever happened, we can work it out – together. But you have to come to me, please.“ Morgana shook her head: „No, I don't wanna. Go away. I don't want you to be here! Leave me alone, baby.“ Morgause suddenly realized everything… Morgana's behaviour, her kindness, her kisses and hugs… well… one dirty little lie didn't ever hurt anybody. „Morgana, I love you!“  
Morgana's eyes grew hard. She was hopeless, sure. But now she was pissed off… this is not an issue to joke about, darling. „If you gathered the shards of my heart and pushed them beneath my skin, you couldn't hurt me more!“ Morgause was stricken. She started again with a trembling voice: „Darling… what are you talking about? I love you!“  
Sing this fucking elegy to someone else, thought Morgana. „Follow me then!“ With this Morgana closed her eyes and took a step ahead. She only heard Morgause's scream.

"A prey she was for the cruelty of love  
while its serpent inside reached her heart.  
The coldest kiss, love ceased to exist  
while we grew apart like never before."  
\- H.I.M. (Poison Girl)


End file.
